you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
PANTIES FOUND
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