Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
