I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
