Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
