Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I need water and some morals
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
