that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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