I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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