i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
