I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
