fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
smell my finger.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
