Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think my vagina is haunted
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
