So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
