Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
my being single is dangerous.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
