Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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