after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
