so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
