chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
