I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
