i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
