I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
