Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
