You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
