i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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