you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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