do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
