his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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