hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Randomize
