I met the friendliest cop last night
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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