Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
