I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
