It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Where is the hickey?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
