Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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