if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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