Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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