It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
ttyl tear gas
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
