I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
