Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
where are you?
Hypothermia
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
