I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
