i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
