My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
