haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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