I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
