the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
