worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The power of my boobs compel you
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
