OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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