I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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