I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize