He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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