So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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