You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
