i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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