grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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