I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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