the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
