why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize