She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
