So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
