we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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