i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
