Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
