how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
