His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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