That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
