He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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