I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
