is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
