well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
