Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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