My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
