is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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