I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
