Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
only you would photoshop your dick
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You made out with two different species that night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
