I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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