just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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